The Last Days of Dave and Meryl
by Andi Mack
Summary: A chronicled glimpse into the last six months of Dave and Meryl's relationship. Some language and sexual humor. Post Metal Gear Solid !Complete!
1. January 12, 2007

January 12, 2007 January 12, 2007

It was the pressure on her abdomen that pulled Meryl out of a sound sleep. Not the jostling or groaning her partner was doing next to her. His fist was locked in a clutch to her t-shirt. From the way his arm felt when she touched it, she knew the rest of him was drenched in sweat as well.

"Dave," she half-consciously reached behind her and pushed back on his hip, "You're having another nightmare, hon. Wake up."

That was usually all it took. A firm push somewhere on his body and it usually snapped him right out of them. The nightmares had become so often in the past few months, though, that she had learned to deliver the usual wake up procedure even while she was still sleeping.

His grip around her midsection pulled a notch tighter and his movements became more violent. Worried, she maneuvered her frame out of his grasp.

"Meryl..." he called for her on cue but it was a coincidence. He wasn't calling for her in the real world. She slapped him lightly on his cheeks but his head just rolled back and forth between her hands.

"Dave, you have to wake up for me, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Meryl..."

She hadn't heard him use that combination of words and tone in almost two years. She knew exactly where he was.

"It's okay. I'm right here, but you've gotta wake up, now..."

"I let him hurt you...I'm sorry."

"No one's hurting me."

She shook his shoulders hard until he finally jolted upright as if he had been unwillingly submerged under water. His deep, gasping breaths calmed down when he saw Meryl's face, twisted between worried and relieved, and he let his body fall back into his elbows.

"They're getting worse", she said, "more violent."

"Did I hurt you?"

"No." She caressed his face and kissed his lips lightly. Her hands rushed a sudden chill to his face and his body slightly tensed from the contact. "That doesn't make it any less serious. You were back at Shadow Moses, weren't you?"

He didn't want to talk and that was something he had expressed to her before. He was tired of talking about not wanting to talk, actually. Meryl's words were now, more or less, demands wrapped in the guise of a harmless question.

"I'm going downstairs." He declared. It wasn't an invite, but he knew she'd follow him.

Shadow Moses Island. The name alone brought back memories. Different ones for both Dave and Meryl, but about the same ratio of good to bad. It was there that they had found each other. And even under the circumstances, neither one of them ever regretted that part of it. He had saved her life and she gave him a reason to start living his.

The bad was overwhelming for him. Meryl sometimes thought about it, but she never allowed herself to relieve it the way he did. She had witnessed his lows, fueled by whatever dark things had come from that and past events he wouldn't talk about.

She watched him from her side of the sofa. To her, his handsomeness was only rivaled by his sometimes brooding nature. The cushion and pillow between them felt like a dark mile that neither one of them wanted to walk.

"I just don't understand why you won't talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Are you afraid you'll say something that'll make me look at you differently? I was at Shadow Moses, remember? I know what went on. I saw what happened. There isn't a whole lot you can say to scare me away."

Dave poured the contents from a bottle into a clear glass sitting in front of him on the table. He half-heartedly offered Meryl the bottle and she shook her head in disgust.

"At this hour? Is that your solution to everything?"

"It is today."

"That stuff smells like it could peel paint."

"I'm sure that's one of its many uses."

"You're a sad man," she scoffed, "I'm going back to bed."

Dave caught her arm she stomped past him and pulled her into his lap. Before she could react, she felt his arms lock around her waist like a safety bar on a fair ride.

"You're right," he admitted to her, "and I'm a jerk."

"Yeah."

"I'm an ass."

"Yeah."

"And I know you hate me right now."

She sighed heavily at her defeat and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Unfortunately, I don't. I could never hate you. Sometimes, I think I care too much, actually. But, you're still a jerk."

He smiled and waited for the kiss in her eyes to reach his lips.

"I'll take that."


	2. January 21, 2007

**January 21, 2007**

Everything rushed by in a big, white blur. She felt the sled almost slip from under her feet when they hit another bump but felt Dave's body steady hers from behind. He shouted something to her but it got lost in the loud whirl of the icy wind and the perpetual beat of the twenty-four paws sloshing through the snow.

Dave shouted again and the sled began to slow down. Meryl looked for hints of color or landmarks to place where she was but all she saw was an endless blanket of snow in every direction. She took her first steps off the sled and sank heavily into the snow.

"You know, I used to think where we live was the middle of nowhere but, I stand corrected." Dave pulled her up to firmer ground with him and unfastened the hood on his parka.

"Do you like it?" he asked her.

She looked around once more in search of the beauty Dave saw in it.

"Where are we? Are we lost?"

"Don't worry, this place will begin to look familiar to you soon. And we're not lost. The boys know the way back." The ears on a few of the dogs briefly stood at attention at hearing their master reference them.

He slowly lowered his weight down into a spot and Meryl mimicked behind him.

"I always worry with you," she continued, "You wake me up at 4 in the morning, give me barely five minutes to get dressed, and then force me out into the middle of nowhere."

Dave laughed as she recounted the morning's events, "I guess I wanted to beat the crowds."

"You're not funny. If Roy knew what you were doing to his little girl, he'd immediately demand I come back to Arizona with him."

"If Roy _really_ knew what I was doing to his little girl," he countered, "he'd be calling me for tips."

Meryl felt herself blush heavily in front of their K-9 audience. "Again, you're not funny," she reminded him playfully hitting his shoulder. "My father asks about you whenever I go to visit him. He really wants to see you. I think if he didn't already know you he'd think you were imaginary."

"Who'll take care of them," he gestured to the dogs, "if I leave?"

"Dave, you worry too much about them. Sometimes, I think you need them more than they need you."

"You're probably right."

"Well, I guess they are kinda cute."

"Don't worry. They're still not as cute as you. Not even Piper," he added.

"That's good to know."

"So, you really don't remember this place?"

"I still got nothing." she admitted, "Why don't you just tell me already?"

Dave's eyes developed a different kind of intensity, one that overpowered the winter Alaska chill that whipped past them in that moment.

"This is the place where I first told you that I loved you."

She shook her head in confusion.

"What are you talking about? You've never said--"

Dave smiled and slipped a kiss into her slightly agaped mouth.

"I love you, Meryl."

Meryl immediately found his lips as she pulled him onto her. They both felt the thud of their bodies falling into the snow. When she reopened her eyes to Dave's, she smiled.

"You know what, Dave?"

"What?"

"I think this place is starting to look familiar to me after all."


	3. February 9, 2007

**February 9, 2007**

"Daddy!"

Meryl threw herself in the arms of Roy as soon as the front door opened wide enough to allow her to do so. He couldn't help but smile holding his daughter like he had when she was a little girl. He kissed her cheek and stood her back arms length out to look at her.

"Hi, sweetheart."

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

"Hey, look...I brought someone with me this time."

Roy smiled and extended his hand Dave.

"It has been a while."

Dave gave his hand a firm shake.

"It's good to see you, Roy."

Roy gestured them an invitation inside and Meryl and Dave followed him down a short corridor and into a sitting area. Roy Campbell's home was a straight reflection of his years in the military: Minimum furnishings with clean, sharp lines and dark colors. He nodded them in the direction of a short sofa and seated himself down in a chair across from it.

"So, how was the flight?"

"Long as always, daddy," Meryl said immediately, "You've got to move closer to Alaska."

"Or maybe you guys could move closer to Arizona."

"Actually, Dave and I were talking about moving to New York."

"Really?" Roy looked at Dave now, "Tired of Alaska?"

"Let's just say there are things there I'll be more than happy to leave behind."

Roy nodded solemnly, "That's perfectly understandable. To tell you the truth, I'm still not sure why you stayed there after everything that happened."

"I guess I really didn't know where else to go."

"New York seemed like the perfect place to go to for a change," Meryl said, "Especially after Hal suggested it."

"Doctor Emmerich," the name made Roy grin, "I didn't know you still kept in contact with him. How is he?"

"He's in England right now but, he should be coming back to the states pretty soon." Dave said.

"I was talking about him with someone the other day," Roy said and shifted his eyes to the left to wait for the name to come back to him. "Oh yes, Nastasha. I called her to congratulate her on her wedding."

"Nastasha got married?"

"You sound surprised, Dave."

"She just never struck me as the marrying type."

"Well, she was married once before you know," Roy reminded him, "To a man named Richard Ames. I told her that pretty soon, I was hoping to hear news of the same fashion from you two."

Meryl and Dave's smiles came from different places.

"I don't think so," Dave said, "Nothing good has ever come out of marriage."

Meryl playfully bumped the side of her body into his.

"I think what he's trying to say is that we really haven't talked about it yet, but, I'm sure we'll get around to it."

"No rush," Roy said, "there's always time to talk about that."

"But, we already did talk about it," Dave insisted half looking at Meryl, "We both agreed that what we have right now doesn't ever really need to change."

"Daddy, could you excuse us for a few moments?"

Dave quickened his pace to keep up with Meryl out into the hallway.

"What was that back there?!" Meryl waited impatiently in the beat that passed between them.

"Meryl, we had this conversation months ago. You said you couldn't ever see marriage for us. We both agreed to that."

Meryl grimaced at the memory of the conversation. "I never said that. I said that marriage was so far down the road for us that I couldn't see it at that moment but I never claimed to not see it at all. Look, my dad's right. There's no rush. We have plenty of time to talk this over."

"My mind is made up, Meryl. Marriage is unnecessary, and it almost always changes things." Dave ran his hands over her tensed shoulders and arms, "And I don't want us to change."

"Marriage doesn't have to change anything unless you want it to."

"But why even tamper with the formula if it's already working?"

Meryl wrung herself free of his hold as if it had burned her.

"I don't want to talk about this right now. I came here to spend time with my father and that's what I'm going to do. Even if I have to do it alone."

"Alone? Meryl..."

"Please, just...fly back home, okay? I'll see you in a week."

"What? Why?"

"Because I don't want you here right now, that's why!" her voice stabbed at him through the deep halls. Dave regretted immediately ever wanting an answer. Meryl lowered her voice, remembering her father's presence nearby.

"Could you please just do one thing I want, Dave?"


	4. February 13, 2007

**February 13, 2007**

He wasn't sure what date it was anymore, but it was night. The last three days had been a series of missed periods of elapsed time for Dave. The only way he distinguished dusk from dawn was from the direction of the sun in the sky but soon he didn't care enough to even pay much attention to that. Everything about the last way he had seen Meryl replayed too much and too harshly. Her eyes, the way she flinched when he touched her. He was sure she wasn't coming back. He didn't blame her. But whenever he did, he drowned it in another drink until it became his fault again.

Ascending the stairs hadn't been a decision he remembered making by the time he started up them. His focus, along with the room, spun and threatened to send him in the opposite direction.

Dave's whole body turned to cement when he laid down on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the continued spinning of everything.

"Dave?" The footsteps stopped inside the room and the area of bed behind him weighed down. A hand ran over his shoulder and kisses lined the back of his neck

He rolled himself over to face her.

"Meryl...Meryl, I--"

She put her hand over his mouth. It hadn't taken her very long to evaluate what kind of state he was in and what it would take to stop him from talking.

"Just listen to me for a minute. I don't care about marriage nearly as much as I care about you, Dave. If it's something that never happens then, I'll just learn to be okay with that. I want whatever you want. I'd rather lose that than lose you."

She lowered her hand from his mouth and replaced it with a kiss.

"You don't owe me that."

"Yes, I do. I was terrible to you in Arizona. I half expected you to change the locks when you got back."

He smiled, "I kind of thought you were going to give me back my key."

"Well," she said as she let Dave urge her closer with his arm around her waist, "If you promise to never lock me out, then I promise to never stop wanting to come back."

"Deal."


	5. February 28, 2007

**February 28, 2007**

Meryl smiled for the first time all day at the actors on TV. They had such great chemistry or at least a script that acted as a blueprint to make it look that way. When the man spoke, even if it wasn't directly to this woman, she listened and stored his every thought as if it were gold. And when she laughed and followed it with a subtle flip of her hair, his bit his bottom lip and quietly wished for everything in his world to begin and end with that laugh.

Meryl and Dave, they hadn't had a script or a blueprint of a relationship to follow. They didn't even have enough previous experience to try out for the roles but somehow, they had gotten them. There were no rehearsals or re-shoots if someone flubbed a line or didn't do something right the first time. Everything was straight to print, no matter how ugly or unflattering it was.

Meryl turned off the TV when the keys jingled violently in the doorknob of the front door, signifying her own scene was about to start.

"Where'd you go, Dave?"

He closed the door with a heavy hand and she sat up on the sofa.

"Would you stop with all the questions, Meryl?"

"Is something wrong?"

Dave tore through the cabinets under the kitchen sink before saying anything.

"Where's the oil for the outside lamps?"

"I don't know. You know I don't touch that stuff."

"They were under the sink. Now, they're not. I didn't move them."

"Dave, would you calm down--"

He slammed the last cabinet door with enough force that the hinges visibly loosened.

"Goddamnit, Meryl, why do you always move everything!? I can't ever find anything when I need it!"

"I didn't move the oil. I didn't even know you kept it under the sink." She struggled to keep her voice calm. She knew that wasn't him. Something darker had taken over and was eating at him from the inside. Again.

"I'll have to feed the dogs tomorrow, then. I can't see a damn thing out there right now."

"It'll be daylight in a few hours. I'm sure they'll be okay."

Her composure only seemed to fuel his fire instead of calm it.

"You don't get it, do you? I didn't have this problem of not finding stuff before you."

"You know I never move anything without asking you first. Look, I know there's something else bothering you--"

"Not this again, Meryl. What? You want me to open up and divulge every single detail of my past so that I can feel better and suddenly be okay with it?"

"That's not the way it works and you know that. Why are you so angry, Dave?"

"Maybe it's because I was raised by two people who barely acknowledged I ever existed." Meryl backed away as she noticed his steps moving closer to her. "Or maybe it's because when I was twenty-three, those people died and it hurt way more than it ever should have. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I thought I had some idea of who I was until two years ago when I realized I didn't even have a real identity."

"David..."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out," he said as he brushed past her, "You seem to have all the answers."

She called to him until she heard the bedroom door slam shut. She flinched slightly but the calm that settled afterwards was more disturbing to her.

The last time she remembered calling him 'David', their life had changed. Two years ago, she had been clutching his midsection from the back of a snowmobile, with the island of Shadow Moses becoming more of distant memory every moment. He had periodically looked back at her a few times but hadn't said anything. And then after one of those glances, he clumsily blurted out 'Move in with me.' She called him 'David' in that moment of disbelief and then again as she agreed to it.

She settled into the sofa and looked at herself as it was reflected off the black screen of the television. That was the last shot of the day but there had been so many changes that no one was sure, not even the actors, how the scene had actually ended.


	6. March 15, 2007

**March 15, 2007**

Dave never thought of the second room in the house as a bedroom. It acted as a storage more than anything even though Meryl had set up her old bed and chest of drawers in there to make it feel like the space wasn't being completely wasted as a closet. But, she too was guilty of only going in there to throw something unsightly into a corner or to tear through a box in frustration to find it again. But with the boxes pushed to line the walls, sheets on the bed, clothes to fill the drawers and someone sleeping in there each night, it quickly looked like a bedroom.

Meryl had made the decision to move in the spare without much discussion with him. There wasn't a fight about it, which would have been an improvement over some of the other things that sparked the developing tension over the weeks.

As he slept, Dave draped his arm over the invisible boundary that still separated his side of the bed from hers. He immediately awoke and panicked briefly when Meryl's body wasn't there to catch it. He stared at the spot until a muffled sound from the other side of the wall in front of him--Meryl's side--stole his attention. He closed his eyes, quietly apologizing for every sob that escaped from the pillow that filtered them. The wooden floors creaked even under Meryl's light steps as she moved across the room and slide down into a corner of the wall. He did the same from his side. It was the closest he had felt to her in a while even though he couldn't see her face but he was happy he couldn't. There wasn't a whole lot left in the world that invoked tears from her and she had never encountered the things that did in his presence. He had done that. He had caused them. He had hurt her more than any sniper rifle's bullet or maniac's torture session ever had...


	7. April 6, 2007

**April 6, 2007**

Meryl felt like she had to say something. She had been watching Dave in almost total silence for the past few weeks nearly drink himself into oblivion. Talking between them could be compared to a trip to the doctor: Unpleasant and something they did only if they had to. But watching him pour another glass full suddenly inspired words in her that she couldn't hold back.

"Could you please not do that, Dave? I can't watch you anymore."

He slowly looked at her with a look she didn't recognize to belong to him.

"Then look away," he said between a long blink, "I'm sure you won't be able to see it from Arizona."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're there so much that I didn't think you even noticed me anymore."

Meryl's body untensed and she took the chair across from him. "That's not true. I know I've been away a lot lately but, I still care about you. That hasn't changed one bit."

Dave's hand quickly snatched away when she put it on top of his. Frustration quickly settled in her eyes. "What do you want from me, Dave? I go away, you complain. I stay and all we do is fight. Nothing I do is ever good enough or works and I feel like I'm starting to run out of options."

"Run out of options? What happens if you do?"

Meryl sighed deeply, "I can't do this on my own. I can't fix us by myself."

"But, you're not doing it by yourself. You have Roy right there to remind you of what a terrible person I am."

"Dave, what are you babbling about? Even if I told my father anything about our relationship, which I don't, he'd still think nothing but the best of you. As far as he knows, I fly there to see him so much because I hate being home alone while you're on your dog sled races. Look, you're drunk. How about we just talk about this in morning once you've sobered up?"

"I bet you'll have a full report for Roy in the morning too. He'll continue to tell you how I'm such a drunk loser and how you're so perfect and good."

Meryl's frustration turned to barely sympathetic confusion.

"Where is this coming from? You're not making any kind of sense."

Dave rose to his feet and started unsteady and off balanced toward a stash cabinet behind the sofa where he usually remembered to open up when she wasn't in the room at his more sober times. She grabbed his arm and turned him sharply to face her.

"What the hell's going on with you?" She demanded

He caught his balance before speaking, "I'm trying to be as flawless as you, Meryl."

"Don't do that," Meryl scorned his tone, "Don't be a dick about this."

"I guess that's what I am now to someone as perfect as you."

"What does that even mean, Dave?! I'm not perfect and I've never claimed to be."

"Sure you are. You don't drink, you don't smoke, and you live your life like you've never done a single bad thing. And then you sit back and look at me like I'm the scum of all creation."

She folded her arms in front of her. "So that's what this is about? You feel I think I'm better than you for not living every day of my life in my past like you do? Is that it?"

"You haven't seen evil, Meryl! By the time you were killing your first real person at Shadow Moses, I was already a seasoned veteran. You have no idea what I've been through."

"You're exactly right, Dave and God, I know I couldn't handle half of what you've lived through even at my strongest hour. I haven't forgotten about what happened to me, I just don't let it dictate my life. You don't have to live like that either. It's not fair to yourself."

"There is no such thing as fair on the battlefield."

"We're not on a battlefield, Dave! This is your life and it's happening without you! Look around; it's been us for the past two years. Me and you." Meryl pulled Dave's wobbling body to her and put her forehead to his, "No secret nuclear weapons disposal facilities or torture devices. Just us. You don't ever have to go back to the battlefield if you don't want to."

Dave closed his eyes.

"I feel like I'm losing it, Meryl."

"You're not losing it."

"If you don't want to stick around, I understand."

"Stop talking like that. You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that to get rid of me."

"I think you should go to Arizona for a while."

"What?" Meryl pulled back to confirm what she'd heard in his eyes. "Why?"

"I have a lot of stuff to go over in my head and I think I should do it alone."

"Don't push me away, Dave."

"No, I'm doing this so that I never push you away again."

"Well, how long do you want me gone for?"

He flinched slightly at her wording and shrugged, "I don't know but just trust me on this, okay?"

Meryl pulled off a smile she wouldn't have sold to a blind man through the burning developing in her eyes and nodded.

"Okay."


	8. April 18, 2007

April 18, 2007

**April 18, 2007**

Ever since Meryl was a little girl, Roy could tell when there was something wrong with his daughter, but back then, she had still only known him as her uncle. She never showed any real signs of being troubled, he just somehow knew. From the way she spent more time rearranging the food on her plate at the diner table than eating it was clearer of a sign than he really needed.

"So Dave is doing one of this sled races, huh?"

Meryl's eyebrows raised at the question.

"Yeah," she smiled, "Third one this month."

"Where this time? "

"Started in Anchorage, I believe."

"How long is this one? He's been gone for about nine days already."

"I don't know. I guess it's over whenever he finishes it."

"Well, I'm sure that's just his way of telling the dogs that having you around hasn't changed his love for them."

Meryl chuckled into her wine glass and took a sip before answering. "I'm sure if he could teach Piper to talk and cook, there wouldn't even be a need for me."

Her face grew dark as if she had taken her own joke too seriously, looking down at her plate, shoveling all the food on it to the middle.

"Are you and Dave okay?"

"Dad, that's a little intrusive don't you think?"

"You're right, sweetheart. I'm sorry." He finished pouring himself a glass and held it over Meryl's. "More wine?"

She shook her head and waved her hand to reject his offer.

"You know, you haven't played with your food since you were a little girl. You usually did that if you didn't like what was in front of you or had something on your mind."

"I'm just not hungry. Had a delay at the airport so, I got something to eat there. Actually, I think I'm just going to excuse myself for the rest of the evening, Dad. Feeling a little jet lagged."

"Goodnight, honey, and remember I'm here when you want to talk."

She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, "I told you, nothing is wrong. I'm fine."

"That may be true but there were no dog sled races that started in Anchorage this week, Meryl."

She smiled thoughtfully, "I'll be upstairs."

Meryl threw herself onto her bed for lack of anything better to do with herself. She had remembered doing it many times before, but mostly for what seemed trivial now. The troubles of fourteen had never plagued her the way Dave did and the only thing worse than knowing something was wrong with him was not knowing what it was.


	9. April 28, 2007

**April 28, 2007**

Living in Roy's house meant working and it didn't matter how hung up or worried about a boyfriend you were. Roy's military history didn't know heartbreak or wallowing in self pity. For Meryl, it was the cleaning gutters, washing windows, or any other odd job he could dream up for her to do that got her through.

For whatever reason, Roy had awoken that morning and decided that his driveway needed pressure washing. Meryl hadn't questioned him, she never did, but instead accepted her day's duties with a small smile and even a slight anticipation.

When she worked, she didn't have time to wonder why after nearly three weeks, Dave hadn't called her to tell her to come back home or bothered to even call at all. She didn't question or entertain the possibilities of their relationship being over like she might have without the occasional rake or a shovel in her hand coupled with a task ahead to take her attention. It almost didn't matter because for that moment, it was her and the gutters, the windows, the dishes, the yard, or the driveway and nothing else.

After Meryl's body adjusted to the kick of the pressure washer, her movement with it became fluent and almost thoughtless. Even over the loud, gnarling noise the machine insisted on making while it was running, she found the repeated movement relaxing. It was the machine's sudden absence of the noise that caused her take notice. She flipped the switch back and forth for a moment and sighed in annoyance at something hindering her work and unusual relaxation method.

She called for her father a few times to the upstairs but wasn't surprised when she didn't get a response. After a moment, Meryl's eyes fell on the power cord to the pressure washer snaking across the tiles on the floor but ultimately missing from its spot in the wall socket.

"It's a real shame you don't wear shorts like that when we're at home."

Meryl turned to face Dave without a hint of the real excitement she felt seeing him there.

"Did you unplug me?"

"Maybe."

"I haven't heard from you in three weeks."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Meryl looked down at her hands as he slipped them into his.

"What have you been doing all this time?"

"A little of this, a little of that. I missed you, Meryl."

"Is that why you could go a whole three weeks without even so much as sending a telegram letting me know you were okay?"

"I wanted to call you more than anything but I couldn't. I couldn't make this your battle anymore. I even cut all the phone lines in the house to make sure I didn't." He ran his thumb over her cheekbone, "I'll explain everything on the plane ride back. I just need to see you back in our living room right now."

"What makes you think I'm going back with you, Dave?"

The thought of Meryl not coming back hadn't entered his mind until that moment. The realization of it knocked him a step back.

"Maybe," she continued, "I actually like it here in Arizona. There's no snow, I don't have to compete with Piper for attention. My dad said I could stay here as long as I wanted and I think I may do just that. There's still a lot of jobs around here for me to do."

"What?"

"I could finally plant those flowers my father have been talking about planting for years or repaint the outside of the house. I'm not so sure this is the best time for me to leave."

"Meryl, you can't be serious."

She took a step towards him and brought her face to his, teasing the surface of his lips with hers.

"Not this time" she said after kissing him the way she had wanted to from the moment she saw him, "but, you pull a stunt like that again and I can't make any promises."


	10. May 20, 2007

**May 20, 2007**

When the light over the kitchen went out, Meryl almost smiled. It was simply a blown light bulb and was the first thing that had gone even remotely wrong in almost a month. She could smile at something like that.

Dave was better and she didn't bother to want to know why or how. He had morphed into a social drinker with an even temper and a sleep pattern that had returned back to normal for the most part. It was extraordinary that three weeks alone in the house by himself had fixed so much in such a short amount of time but it wasn't the first time she had seen Dave do pretty extraordinary things.

"Dave, the light blew in the kitchen again!" she sang out into the air in no direction in particular. She made the decision to change it herself before giving him a chance to respond.

By the time she had begun unscrewing the dead bulb, Dave's figure appeared in her peripheral vision and leaned in the doorway with a smirk.

"What are you doing?"

Meryl transferred her weight from her toes to her heels on the ladder to look at him.

"I'm getting a better view of the kitchen, Dave."

"Get down from there. I'll change the light bulb."

"Well, I'm already up here now. Besides, with as much as it goes out, I'm sure it's my turn to change it this month anyway."

Meryl lifted herself back onto her toes again. As she screwed in the new bulb, she failed to catch herself as her upper body leaned over her center of balance and sent her crashing hard to linoleum of the kitchen floor. She groaned and laid still to wait for the shock of the blow to wear off. Dave's failure to react didn't upset as much as it worried her.

"Dave, you don't look so well. Are you okay?"

His body refused to move from its spot. His gazed passed through her but not to another object, to another place. She called to him a few more times and attempted to sit up.

"Don't try and get up!"

He kneeled beside her and eased her back into a lying down position.

"I'm sure I'm fine. I didn't hit my head or anything and I don't think anything's broken."

"I'm going to try and get help here right away."

"Dave, I'm okay. I didn't damage much more than my ego. I just need you to help me up."

"Why in the hell didn't you get out of Zanzibarland when you had the chance, Nina?"

"Whoa, Dave. Zanzibar Land? What are you talking about and who's Nina?"

Dave put his hand on Meryl's stomach and applied a heavy pressure to it.

"You're losing too much blood. You won't last too much longer if the bleeding continues like this."

"Dave, this isn't funny. What's going on?"

"You shouldn't have tried to take on Big Boss by yourself, Nina. Being a hero isn't all it's cracked up to be. Heroes never get to see the parades thrown to celebrate them because they're usually dead."

"Dave! Let me up!"

His vacant gaze traveled over her abdomen where his hand was still applied.

"This wasn't your battle to fight! You're just a kid. You'll have plenty of time to get yourself killed."

"You've gotta snap out of this! You're not where you think you are!"

He began to shake her body lightly in his arms.

"Nina? Nina, stay with me! You're not dying like this!"

Meryl fought Dave's grip on her but it proved to be as strong as the memories he was reliving right before her. His eyes darted over her face in a panic, desperately calling the name of the other woman. When he reached up to touch her face, Meryl intercepted him by the wrist.

"Snake, snap out of it!"

He stared down at her for what seemed like forever before breaking the gaze and sitting down on the floor with his back to the cabinets. Meryl started towards him on her hands and knees.

"Dave," she said lightly, "are you alright?" He drew his body inward as he saw her hand approaching his arm. "Okay, I won't touch you. I'm gonna get you some water, okay?"

Meryl felt the left side of her body throb when she stood up. Until then, she had almost forgotten the events that had lead up to Dave's strange episode.

He didn't react when she held out the glass in front of him.

"What just happened to you?" she asked, sitting it on the ground next to him, "Do you remember any of that?"

Dave leaned his head back on the cabinet and closed his eyes, letting his body decompress in a deep breath out. He gathered himself in a whirlwind of pushed down thoughts and emotions. The re-emergence of them made his body feel the same way it had the day it happened, sitting in the middle of the battlefield watching Nina's last moments of life slip away in an overhead storm of gunfire.

Meryl's voice brought him back into the kitchen, feeling her hand lightly resting below his kneecap. She looked as if she were waiting for an answer to one of the many questions she had rapid fired off. He finally offered her his safe answer.

"I'm fine."

"Dave, I think you need to see a doctor."

* * *

**A/N:** _I think this had to be one of my favorite scenes/chapters/days to write. It really kind of pushes whatever demons Dave is battling with to the brink. Since I'm almost done uploading the story (only a few more days to go!), I wanna know what you guys are thinking so far! _


	11. May 27, 2007

May 27, 2007

"Meryl, I could go to prison for this. No, I could go _under_ the prison for this," the young engineer corrected himself at a second's more thought of the idea.

It was hard for Meryl to calm Dr. Hal Emmerich over Codec. She softened her voice as much as its natural coarseness would allow her to.

"Hal," she started, "I know it's a lot to ask but you're the only person who can do this for me."

"You're asking me to hack into military files. That's the government. I'm going to have the CIA knocking down my door before I can even shut down the computer!"

"Hal, please" she pleaded, "Dave's well-being may depend on this."

As a response, the sound of Hal's light but rapid keystrokes entered the receiver. They stopped abruptly after a moment.

"There was no one by the name of Nina in FOXHOUND when Dave was in Zanzibarland. Either way, there shouldn't be a record of anyone infiltrating that place besides him. It was a solo mission. Are you sure you heard him right?"

"Absolutely. I don't think I'd forget or mishear something like that. He said something about her being just a kid. Any chance she was a trainee at the time?"

"I doubt it. I would have still been able to find her name. Wait a minute..." Hal's typing became hurried again.

"What?"

"Nina Peterson. Of course. How could I forget her?"

"Nina Peterson? I don't think I know that name."

"She's a bit of a legend, before your time, though. Nina was an exceptional child mercenary, around the age of fifteen or so at the time, who devoted her services to Outer Heaven and Big Boss. Dave's infiltration in 1999 caused a big stir amongst the soldiers and mercenaries there. Some of them began questioning the true objectives of their leader, and after an encounter with Dave herself, Nina made the decision to switch sides to help him in his mission to bring down Outer Heaven for good. Dave didn't like the idea of Nina being in harm's way to help him, so he got the government to offer her a way back to the States permanently but, she insisted on staying to help him fight. When Big Boss learned who the mole in his camp was, he immediately had her captured and made an example out of her for Dave when they met face-to-face again. By the time Dave had terminated Big Boss and got to Nina, she was in bad shape and the damage had already been done."

The air fell silent until Hal sighed.

"Well, that's all I know," he said, "I'm sure your father could tell you more. He was a part of that mission."

"How do you know about all of this, Hal?"

"I read the debriefing. It's the only record of Dave talking about Nina. I don't think he ever forgave himself for what happened to her. The whole thing left him pretty rattled. I find the fact that he even mentioned her name to you pretty amazing, actually."

"Well, he didn't per se. At least, not intentionally."

"What does that mean?"

"Dave had a flashback a few days ago and I think it might have been of Nina's death. Until now, I think he only relived that stuff through nightmares but this is the first time he's ever re-enacted an event. I think he may have some form of PTSD."

"Post-traumatic stress disorder. Well, it's certainly not a crazy diagnosis. The nightmares, the flashbacks...those are some of the classic symptoms. You're going to have to have a doctor examine him to know for sure, though. Have you gotten him to see one?"

"Of course not," she said, his stubbornness implied in her tone, "I'd have better luck removing all of his teeth with a hunting knife."

"That sounds about right." Meryl could sense Hal's expression deepen as he continued. "Meryl, I know as much as you may be tempted to, you shouldn't bring up Nina Peterson to him. There's a reason he hasn't consciously talked about it in eight years. Doing so could trigger something a lot darker next time."


	12. June 11, 2007

**June 11, 2007**

Dave found his lungs and felt the air rush back into them as the images from his nightmare clear away. He glanced over at Meryl next to him and met her brown eyes piercing him through the darkness of their bedroom. They radiated all the questions and concerns that she had yet to open her mouth to express.

"I'm fine." He answered them aloud to her.

"You always say that but it's never the truth. You need to see a doctor. Your condition--"

"Meryl, stop calling it a 'condition'. I'm not dying."

"A disease, an illness, a sickness? What would you like me to call it to make you feel better about it?"

"It's nothing. A nightmare. So just call it that."

"You're impossible."

"What can a doctor do? Charge me two thousand dollars to tell me I'm screwed up and give me some pills to completely numb me."

"You're already numb, Dave. The pills would be an improvement."

The ice combined with the venom from her voice traveled up his spine in a cold poison.

"Meryl, I'm sorry--"

"No! Stop apologizing," she snapped at him, "I can't take one more apology from you."

Dave followed her quick descend down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem is your problem, Dave. Your nightmares, your flashbacks, your random bursts of anger, your mood swings...that's all become my problem."

"It doesn't have to be your problem. I told you not to worry about me."

"Well, Dave, I care about you so I kinda can't do that exactly. Things get better with you for a moment and then get ten times worse than they were before!"

She slammed a small glass on the kitchen counter and began pouring the contents of a bottle from under the counter that Dave had never seen before. She took a long drink and looked back at Dave. "I mean, what kind of a person would I be", she continued as she replaced what she had drank out of the glass, "if I sat back and watched and didn't worry?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you stop pretending like re-enacting your friend's death in our kitchen was normal."

"I don't know what happened to me that day."

"I can tell you exactly what happened that day. You scared the hell out of me."

She snatched her glass off the counter and whisked past him to the sofa. He watched her in heated silence as she rolled the rim of the glass back and forth along her bottom lip.

"Who's Nina?"

"What?"

"You called me Nina that day in the kitchen. Who is she?"

"She wasn't anyone important."

"I beg to differ."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because sometimes, Dave, I feel like I'm living with a stranger. I don't even know what my last name would be if we ever—which I know we won't—actually got married. I don't know where you're from, what high school you went to, what's important to you. Nina's name is the only one I've ever heard you say with any kind of real emotion behind it. That's how I know that at least she was someone that meant something to you."

"I don't want to talk about it, Meryl."

Nina's name had trampolined on Meryl's brain from the moment she had gotten a last name to put with it from Hal. His advice to not bring it up to Dave meant little or nothing to her now as she watched him try and process the last few minutes of their conversation for himself into anger, frustration, or whatever the hell that feeling rising from the pit of his stomach was.

"I talked to Hal a couple of weeks ago." She put her drink down and crossed her arms in front of her. "Nina's death wasn't your fault. It was Big Boss who--"

"Stop it!"

Meryl calmly placed her hand on his arm. She could feel how upset his was moving into his muscles, so she moved her hand up and down in small spot near his shoulder in a subtle attempt to calm him.

"Your guilt from Nina Peterson's death is what caused the flashback that day and they're going to keep getting worse if you don't do something about it."

"Meryl, don't do this…"

"No, listen to me, Dave. You've spent the past eight years of your life blaming yourself for something she made the decision to do. It doesn't matter how young she was, she knew what could happen to her and she died doing what she felt was the right thing to do."

Dave suddenly grabbed Meryl by her shoulders and forced her back to the far wall, knocking over a shelf that was unfortunate enough to be in their path.

"Shut up! You think you know everything because Hal told you what that fucking debriefing said?! I could have saved her but I was too selfish to do it. I—"

The moment finally dissolved enough to let Dave see the new fear of him Meryl's eyes carried. His head now spun even without a single drop of alcohol to blame for it.

"Get away from me." She hissed at him.

"Meryl!"

Her eyes made him feel like a monster. She backed away from him slowly as he extended his hand to subconsciously bring her back to him, physically and any other way she was now moving away. Her reflexes brought her hand hard across his face.

"Don't touch me!"

"I didn't mean to—"

"I'm leaving for Arizona first thing tomorrow."

"I thought you weren't going until next week?"

"Change of plans. I can't stay here."

"Meryl, wait!" His hand grabbed her arm before she reached the top of the stairs. He eased his grip enough for her to slip out of it but she chose not to. He waited for her to stop fighting her urge to look back at him before he spoke.

"Don't go to Arizona."

"You can't tell me what to do to."

"You have every right to hate me right now but, I don't want you to go."

"And why shouldn't I?"

"Because…because I know you're not coming back."

* * *

**A/N:** Meant to mention this in the last chapter but, Nina Peterson is a totally made up character, so, you didn't miss anything in case you're wondering :). Anyone enjoying domestic violence Solid Snake? Oh yeah...I'm like Degrassi. I (almost) went there.


	13. June 12, 2007

**June 12, 2007**

The front door closed at exactly 7:46am. Dave knew this because he had been looking at the clock for lack of the ability to close his eyes and sleep. His body couldn't shut off but he couldn't go downstairs to face Meryl either. He knew she had nothing to say to him that would make him feel better about last night. He didn't deserve her forgiveness anymore anyway. She didn't need to see his face before she left--he needed to see hers. What she needed was to leave in peace and for once in their relationship, he let her have her way.

He ignored the piece of paper he saw on the living room table and immediately busied himself with portioning out the dog's food for the day, something that normally took only half of the time he devoted to it, and other things that happily took the span of his day to complete.

It was dusk when Dave acknowledged the note again. He was a few glasses in of his "paint peeler" before the courage came to actually pick it up. A silver door key—his door key—fell out of the fold and into his lap. He polished off his third glass before finally opening the note. He read Meryl's signature first, saving the one line at the top for last:

_I don't hate you._

* * *

**A/N:**_ Well, this is officially the end of the story, guys! I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope it wasn't too anticlimactic since this chapter was so short. Thank you for reading!! --Andi_


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